Is it OK to cuss?

Is it OK to cuss?

Don’t you love grey areas in the bible?

Warning—I will pose a second question before I answer the question in the title.

I used to think the bible was pretty black and white. And then I came up against the new testament verses about women needing to cover their heads and not braid their hair, etc…  For a while, I struggled with this and I actually tried to take it literally (by not wearing jewelry and not braiding my hair, etc…). It was disturbing to me to think that there were things in the bible that could be gently put to the side, so I wanted all of it to be taken at face value. But maybe my understanding was a bit simple.

I love studying the bible so much because no matter how many times I read a certain passage or story, it always comes alive with a new, fresh message—not one that contradicts the truth, but a new thought. For some, perhaps this is a stumbling block. Sometimes we try to make the bible fit into whatever life crisis we are going through, and answer our questions in the way that we desire. This is not what I am talking about. I am talking about a deeper understanding of something that has always been there, that has always been true. I’m talking about something that is so much bigger than we are, that the more we grow, the more we see the “big-ness”. We get bigger, and it, He, YHWY, gets bigger too. For an atheist, perhaps this seems inconsistent.

But there is a big difference between being inconsistent and being an eternal student of life and of the word of God.

In my job, am I an inconsistent teacher if I realize that occasionally, I am wrong and change the way I present certain material? Or if a student points something out and I accept their explanation? Growing and changing are essential to our faith.

So what about biblical views that evolve in society that we don’t agree with? I’ll be brutally honest here, I still believe that abortion is wrong, and I believe that homosexuality is wrong too…. Having said this, I have known people who have struggled with both of these sins, and this knowledge DOES NOT MAKE ME LOVE THEM OR RESPECT THEM ANY LESS. As a matter of fact, there are times that knowing something like this makes me love them more…

In the bible, I have come to understand that certain passages might have been written in response to certain cultural settings of the time (going back to my example of head dresses and braided hair).

How do we know what is meant for a specific cultural setting ? And why do I feel the way I so openly stated in the previous paragraph if I can honestly question what is cultural and what is not?

GREAT QUESTION.

I was tempted to end the blog there. Haha. The truth is that I don’t have a great answer and so I want to leave some blank space to represent my large mental pause.

Answer attempt #1: I humbly admit that I am not at all sure that I have certain things as figured out as it may appear to you (consider your bubble busted if you thought I had a straight answer for you).

Answer attempt #2: I believe that there are certain truths that will never change no matter what. The main one being that Jesus Christ is the son of God, He died and rose again and thanks to Him we have the hope of living with God.

There is a third part of the trinity that encompasses Answer attempt #3: I have God’s spirit inside of me urging me occasionally to stop watching certain things, or to be sensitive to a hurting person, or to initiate friendship with someone who might need it, or to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT. I believe that this same Holy Spirit guides us into truths about God’s word when we struggle to understand relativity in our culture. Is there a deeper message that we could gain from verses that seem irrelevant to us at first read? Again, going back to my braided hair thing: what was the issue Paul was addressing here? Was it not modesty? Is modesty still sometimes an issue in our churches today? Gulp…

If we are willing to listen to that still, small voice, He still wants to speak to us today. But we have to put forth the effort. We have to dust off the filth from our minds, the clutter, the pre-conceived notions. I need to always be willing to go to God’s word ready for Him to blow my mind. Maybe I am wrong about the two issues I brought up before. I think our job is to read God’s word, maybe not just looking up verses that deal with “that sin” that we want to learn more about or about “that lifestyle” or “that decision” that we want to justify. Let God speak through his word. Don’t try to pull words out of Him. We will never be able to force God to say anything. He is the Lord. The sooner we recognize that, the more knowledge and wisdom we will gain. God says in his word that He will give wisdom to he who asks (James 1:5) and that “Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 9:10).

Answer attempt #4: Deep study and prayer. This goes hand in hand with #3, but I believe it is different too. I LOVE that my husband went to seminary. He often is able to share with me what he has studied about certain passages and what the original Greek text says. Sometimes, reading what someone else has studied (even through a commentary) can be EXTEMELY enlightening. I used to think it was wrong to go here. I used to think that God should just open my mind with myself and His word. (I also thought that I would naturally know how to nurse my babies without any help from the lactation consultant. Hahahaha!!)

I used to think that if someone uses commentaries and bible studies, then they are using a crutch and are not learning correctly. Jesus is available to all: even the illiterate in Africa (why do we always pick “Africa” lol). If Jesus’ message is a simple one, made to be understood by even the simplest of people, then why would we need scholars to help us understand certain passages?

But what if the LORD can be understood deeply on multiple levels? What if He can answer the questions of the simple minded, and also speak to the scholars and challenge their intelligence? Jesus says “knock, and the door shall be opened to you; seek and you shall find”? Do you think He was only talking to new believers? Don’t you think that He longs to reveal truth after truth to us? He is so deep, deeper than the ocean. He wants us to swim deeply, and often, inside the vastness of Himself.

Scientists say that we only use a small percentage of our brains. I tend to think that we only reach a small percentage of our full potential with Christ because we don’t go deep enough with Him. He has so much in store (Jeremiah 29:11).

So is it OK to cuss? What do you mean by “OK”? and what do you mean by cuss?

Are you going to hell for it? I would not say that, no. What does the bible say? You can do a google search, but I’m not sure you will find exactly what you are looking for.

Here is a link to more verses that pop up with an internet search: https://www.openbible.info/topics/using_profanity

Have I ever cussed before? Do I have to answer that question on this open blog? Well, since I am writing: no, no I do not. J

Did Jesus ever cuss? We know He was tempted in every way… I have heard it said that in the Greek, Paul may have at least once in the New Testament.

Maybe “cussing” is like so many other things that we realize are not “promoted” in the bible. Maybe we are asking the wrong question.

Ephesians 4:29 says: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Maybe the better question is “how can I honor Jesus here?”

The bible also says “in your anger, do not sin”. (Ephesians 4:26).

Jesus always goes straight to the heart. In the sermon on the mount, He addressed sins, but he always went deeper. He went past where the Pharisees had gone (rule following), and straight the heart of the matter: where sin is born. Our hearts are to be guarded above all things (proverbs 4:23).

I have two friends whom I love and respect deeply. Both are convicted that they never want to let a cuss word escape their mouths. For one of them, it has to do with something that she went through as a child. I respect them so much for this. They both inspire me. They are not condemning or accusatory when they hear someone else utter a choice word. They just don’t do it themselves. I love this about them so much. It is the quietest form of leading by example. It is not “in your face”, it is not hypocritical. It is pure and honest, and I can absolutely respect that.

Let us let God lead our hearts, and then follow that lead.

Happy searching.

Poop in the brownies

“Have you lost your mind?”

“No Ma’am, but you ‘bout to.”

One of my favorite movie scenes is when Hilly asks this question to her maid, Minny. What Hilly doesn’t know, and the reason Milly responds the way she does, is that Minny has put poop in the chocolate cake that Hilly has just eaten. The movie, “The Help”, is based off a book, a political commentary on racism. Trust me, Hilly got what was coming to her.

It disgusts us to think about eating poop. And it should.

Yet, we do something as disgusting as this to our souls. We allow impurities to enter into our minds. And worse: it doesn’t even gross us out anymore.

Many years ago, my father preached a sermon on purity and talked about the kinds of movies we watch. He observed that when people discuss movies, in an effort to justify viewing certain films, they often will say that there’s “X” amount of bad words, or maybe that there is a particular sex scene but that’s the only one so it’s OK, etc. Dad’s point is that if you think of bad scenes in movies as “poop in the brownies”, then you won’t see the movie at all. After all, who wants even just a “tiny bit of poop in their brownie”?. That is a very radical way of viewing things. But Jesus was radical too. Jesus demands absolute purity. 

As I have gotten older, I am finding myself more tolerant. I am finding that there really are some movies that I view as “diamonds in the rough”. Take “Shawshank Redemption” for example. I don’t think that I would ever really like to watch that movie all the way through. But I have seen enough of it to see that it sends a very powerful message. Ironically, the man has to crawl through poop to reach freedom. Really and truly, it feels like we wade through miles of poop in life to get to the other side of our misery.

To watch or not? is a gray area that the bible does not address directly. Jesus does say “if the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness” Matthew 6:23 (thanks Mom!).

Much of the interpretation is left to us, as we pray, study, and listen to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will prick our spirits when we are watching something that we shouldn’t. But of course, being pricked by the Holy Spirit requires us to be in tune to It.

Is it possible that something that I used to not feel OK about watching is now OK? What is OK? What is not OK? What does it mean if I change my mind? Am I not as in tune to the Holy Spirit as I used to be? Am I more in tune?...

How do we know? And will the answer look the same for me as for someone else? Thankfully, that is not our problem. We are supposed to walk out our walk with the LORD and strive not to be a stumbling block to others.

What would Jesus watch on TV if Mary and Joseph had had one? Would M and J have let Jesus play Assassin’s creed? Would they have resisted screen time altogether?

I know this: God wants us to come to him with the things that bother us, with the things that we are anxious about. So since we cannot answer many questions posed in this post, at least I can urge all readers to sincerely inquire of the LORD. King David, for all his flaws (and they were many), talked to the LORD about his sins, he asked the LORD questions. Did the LORD answer? I believe He did, although I’m sure David would say sometimes it felt like He was just silent. David trusted in the LORD no matter what.

Whenever we pray and come to Him seeking what HE wants: THAT is the kind of prayer God wants to answer. It might not be in an audible voice, and it might not be at the time we choose, but we are doing the right thing by coming to Him and seeking purity.

The key is to come ready to hear ANYTHING that He reveals (perhaps through His word, a thought, a voice, another person, or life circumstances). If He reveals to us that we are to stop watching that new favorite show we have found, are we willing to give it up? If not, then we might squash the message that He is trying to reveal to us in whatever way he chooses. We may end up being blind to it. What if He calls us to give up quite a number of things? Do we trust Him to fill our lives with fulfillment of a different kind?  Jesus teaches that the Father wants to fill that hole that we have in our lives. If we just empty ourselves from sinful behavior out of obedience but do not allow God to fill that hole, then we are doomed to fall back into temptation. And before we know it, we might end up eating poop.

Jack's Journey

This post is dedicated to my first novel: Jack's Journey. What questions do you have about the book? Do you have inquiries concerning what is real and what is not? Simply leave your questions in the comments section. I look forward to hearing from you! I will answer all questions to the best of my ability.

Why we gossip

Why we gossip

According to Google, gossip is “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.”

The bible talks about how a gossip goes down to our innermost parts (Proverbs 18:8). Gossip is also mentioned in Paul’s list of sins from Romans 1. So we know we shouldn’t do it. The problem is that it is such a shady sin. Differentiating between what is gossip and what is not is half the battle.

I would take Google’s definition a little further: Sharing something that is not beneficial, information that puts a person in a bad light (even if the information is true, but if the information is not necessary), is gossip.

So sad… A juicy tidbit gone to waste. Well, not really. That juicy tidbit could be filled with poison. There are plenty of people who would prefer a severe beating of sticks and stones over the words that have maimed them emotionally.

“Our strength is our weakness,” my mother says. Often, a person who likes to gossip has a strong sense of compassion. We want to help, but we get enticed in the process. We want to know, and then we know too much. We want to communicate, but then we talk too much.

Why does a gossip go down to a person’s innermost parts? What makes us love a good juicy tidbit so much? These desires often come from dissatisfaction or disappointment. We seek to soothe our own insecurities or hurt feelings by demeaning others. Perhaps we even look for opportunities to fix problems in our lives by gathering information—that may or may not be helpful.

When we add negative comments about someone who has offended us, it feels like an analgesic. It is therapeutic to gossip. It releases tension that we hold inside.

Perhaps in our subconscious, we actually want to cause damage to someone who has hurt us, and gossiping satisfies that base human desire.

In the Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 5, Jesus grabs a few sins by the root:

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother[c] will be liable to judgment…..

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  

Jesus goes deeper than identifying sin. He penetrates the heart, where anger and lust reside. A decision to murder doesn’t happen overnight. Adultery starts long before you find yourself in a bed that is not your own with a person who is not your spouse. “It’s a slow fade” (Casting Crowns).

So what do you think Jesus would say about gossip?

“You have heard that it was said: do not gossip. But I tell you do not have an evil desire about someone in your heart…” or maybe “But I tell you do not open your mouth to speak unless you have something good to contribute, or unless you are speaking the truth in love.”

I don’t know. The truth is, Jesus didn’t directly address the issue of gossip in the Bible. But I know that like all sin, it is a heart issue.

         Two other motivations to gossip are curiosity and a love of drama. Against my better wishes, I am one of those who slows down on the interstate to take a closer look at the wreck. I am the person who will see someone hurting and ask what is wrong. Sometimes it is because I care deeply. But sometimes, if I am brutally honest with myself, it is because I am just plain curious. What is it that makes us enjoy other people’s problems? Why do we like to see a movie or read a book filled with drama? At our very core, perhaps our number one battle has just been identified. Perhaps along with asking God to help us resist gossiping, we need to ask Him to remove the evil weed of drama need.

If we don’t gossip, what are we supposed to talk about? Huh. Well, perhaps that is a problem worth having. I’m pretty sure we can trust God to provide good, wholesome conversation topics. Boring you say? Do you trust Him? He is able.

OR WE CAN JUST ENJOY THE QUIET.

Consider the way the Bible tells stories in the Old Testament. In Genesis 19, Lot had sex with both of his daughters because they wanted to continue the family line. They got their father drunk to make sure that the necessary actions took place. The facts are presented, and you can do with them what you wish. None of this “rumour has it” stuff. Sorry Adele.

You can read about Amnon and Tamar, David and Bathsheba, the Levite and his concubine, and much more “R” rated material in the Bible. But it is presented in such a factual way that a pre-teen could read the story and simply accept it for what it is. It doesn’t give us any “juicy” details. There is no over dramatization or over emotionalization.

The Bible is relating facts to us. So if we are relating necessary facts, I do not believe that we are gossiping. But let’s face it: half the time, we do NOT NEED to be relating anything at all.

 Proverbs 19:10: Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. (NLT)

The Bible has MUCH to say about taming the tongue, especially in the book of James: it can set the whole body on fire, just by one small spark. (James 3:5)

The best weapon I have against gossip is to SHUT UP. To silence the deadly force that is my mouth. To be the person in a group that stands there and says NOTHING. This is hard for me. I LOVE talking and telling stories.

Yet when I keep my tongue from wagging, I learn interesting and edifying things that the quiet person in the group contributes.

What about when we get stuck with a person or group who is gossiping? Perhaps they are sharing news that is probably true but makes someone look very bad. Perhaps they are revealing information that you are sure the target would never want shared. First of all, BEWARE of such individuals. In all likelihood, you will make their top ten list one day. Don’t kid yourself and think that by listening you become exempt.

If there is a large group around, perhaps walking away is the best bet. However, we have all been in situations where we are carpooling, at a restaurant, or in someone’s home, where frankly, it would be vey awkward just to pick up and leave.

BUT MAYBE IT’S STILL THE RIGHT THING.

I’ll never forget when Mom and Dad made us walk out of the theater during the movie “Who Framed Roger Rabbit.” I’m SO glad they did. I learned that THIS IS AN OPTION: I CAN LEAVE. That lesson was worth every bit of the ticket prices.

It doesn’t matter how embarrassing it is to resist sin. It is always the right thing to do.

When I find myself talking to someone who is clearly revealing things that are better left unsaid, I consider four options:

1: Say “Hey, that sounds kinda gossipy, huh?” (YIKES!!!!) 

2: Change the subject.

3: Say positive things about the person being spoken of.

4: Gossip. Just join right in and add my two cents worth.

Honestly, even though it has crossed my mind multiple times, I have never chosen Option 1—except maybe with my husband and children. I chose between 2,3, and --to my shame—4 (this last one more often than I care to admit). Option 1 would work, but would I have to sacrifice a friendship in the process? Maybe that would be for the best…  Ugh. I know I need to be willing to make sacrifices for Jesus. Oh Lord, make me strong! Please! Help me to be willing!

Even if Option 1 doesn’t cause my friendship to be sacrificed, I can definitely throw what remains of my cool factor out the window (if I had one in the first place. Ha!). Maybe that needs to happen, too.

I need to trust God to give me wisdom in every situation.

While we lived in Colorado, I took index cards with bible verses regarding talking too much and taped them around the house where my phones were located. Memorizing scripture and prayer are two of the best weapons to fight sin.

Recently, someone posted on FB an article about the socially acceptable sin: gluttony. I would say that gossip is also socially accepted.

Lord, help us. Help us to keep fighting even when the enemy seems too strong. Help us never to give up and give in to this socially acceptable sin. Man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). God sees the darkness there. Create in us a clean heart, Oh God (Psalm 51:10).

A Christmas reflection

January is here: dreary and lifeless. Of course, it’s pretty hard to follow “the most wonderful time of the year”.

In two months, Wendy, my mother-in-law, will have been gone three years.

Wendy collected nativity sets and set them out all over the house. Some stayed out all year round; some only came out for Christmas. Several years ago, when she asked her daughters-in-law to each select one of her many sets, I was quickly drawn to the one with the most broken pieces. I think it was partly because I had three small children, and it stressed me out to think about keeping an unbroken set intact. Better to get something already damaged. This set also looked the most realistic to me. It didn’t look shiny. The figurines didn’t have dreamy looks in their eyes. The buildings looked rugged and culturally accurate. Mary’s hair wasn’t blonde and wavy, and her dress didn’t flow as if it were a nice robe. It was simple and plain.

Last year, my father-in-law gave me a different nativity set. It is large and goes outside in front of the house. It is far from simple and plain. I like it, too, though, because it reminds me of Wendy, and I can appreciate it for its beauty, even if it’s not realistic. But this year, I seriously thought about giving it away because I just didn’t feel like it suited me. After talking to my sister-in-law about it, though, I decided to  keep it for now.

I called someone from our church to help me display it properly. He brought over a large outdoor table and some saw horses to hold it up. Now it would be visible from the road in front of our house.

As Don was bringing the boxes down from the attic, he dropped Mary…  she broke in a couple of different places. At first, I didn’t notice, because the gashes were behind her. But as I placed her on the table, I saw the gaping holes. Tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t believe she was already broken.

But then, oddly, I was comforted by her very brokenness.

Mary’s life broke when Gabriel came to talk to her. She was never “normal” again.

How alone she must have felt between the time Joseph knew she was pregnant but hadn’t yet heard from the angel about how it happened. She had to deliver in a manger, for crying out loud! She was sweaty, dirty, poor. Do you think a mid-wife came over to help when cries were heard? Or do you think Joseph did it all by himself?...  Oh yes, there was joy. But oh yes, Mary was broken.

How many times did she feel broken during Jesus’ life?

Did she break apart completely when he died on the cross? The very son who cost her so much in life must have cost her even more in death.

Yet when she came to the end of herself God was there.

Perhaps God chose her because she was willing to break and let Him shine through the brokenness. He had to choose someone willing to suffer. And through her suffering, she tasted joy unlike any that a human has ever experienced since the dawn of humanity—or ever would: having God for a son.

Me, well, I don’t feel quite that broken, to be honest. Not as broken as Mary was.

I watch movies like “The Hunger Games” and “Lord of the Rings”, and bravery almost seems like a different culture. We aren’t really required to be brave anymore.

I told Don one day that I hoped I would be willing to make huge sacrifices like what we see on screen. Would I be willing to suffer like Mary? Like Queen Esther? Would I be brave? Would I march to my death with my sword drawn like the soldiers who stormed the Normandy beaches?

I’ll never forget Don’s response to me: What about the small sacrifices? Those are the hard ones.

He’s right. We forget that we are broken, like Mary.

Some of us have given up big worldly dreams to be obedient to God.

Some of us have been asked to give up financial security.

Some of us have been asked to live with a family member that is difficult and robbing us of our childish happiness.

Some of us have been asked to raise strong willed children, and “go to battle” and resist giving in to them every day.

Some of us have to change poopy diapers even though we struggle with depression: We have to get up and keep going day after day even when it seems like our lives are ebbing away, because we want our children to live.

Some of us have been asked to turn the other cheek when we are falsely accused.

Some of us have to look in the mirror every single day and decide that we will resist whatever our sin struggle is.

Some of us have to raise our children without a spouse.

Yes, friends, we are broken, too. It just might look different than defeating a bloody beast on the battlefield. It takes courage to stand up to our friends and refuse to join in with gossip. It takes courage to cultivate our marriage and spend time thinking about what the other person wants, instead of ourselves. It takes courage to resist sinning in our anger. When we are exhausted, we keep going. When we are tired of serving at church and teaching Noah’s ark for the ninety-fifth time, we plug ahead. We persevere.

And yet, although broken, we still try to look pretty from the street. We keep our holes in the back so that people can’t see our brokenness. But let us not be ashamed, for it is through the brokenness that Jesus shines.

Maybe January’s not so bad after all. Maybe it’s time to think about our brokenness and to let God use it for good. I’m sitting here typing with a house full of boys. A dog is running up and down the hallway on my hard wood floors. Christmas is over. Just like yesterday when I started this post, as I look out my dining room window it is still gray outside, dull and rainy. Upstairs there is craziness, shouting and hollering. But we go on. We go on with God’s help. With His help, the boys upstairs will turn into faithful witnesses to His glory one day.

As Mary said, let us say this to the Lord as well: “Let everything you have said happen to me.” (Luke 1:38) Whatever my lot, Lord, whether noble or ordinary, may I do it for You. Come what may. Let’s go for broke.